in Chicago (summer 2013)


Streams in Chicago
              of people on their daily ride.
From one end to another side
                filing past me
                           in suits and ties
[and all varieties of workwear, within a designation]
in dark fluorescent corridors
                     while the sun outside
                                         shines
and the street, relatively
                      pedestrian free.

 

     in Chicago
     there are more churches
     boarded up buildings
     & the seasonal No Parking signs
     come with a qualifier
     "no parking when the snow
                        is over 2 inches"
                         TOW ZONE

Racine and Root St.
we passed both on the way out

and I imagine the roots grow thick here
     of our cities (check out the train stn)
         but also our inequities
      how in our society
      your doors - those open
                          those closed
       and even the doors you know exist
   are decided/determined
                     by your parents class
                                  & history
So being black here means you
may be offered a certain
story - and if you want another

Well I imagine there's a lot of pudding demanded of you...
b/c the distance between
                those who drive in their
           cars to the tidy offices with
 clear lines and green grass
 and the people I see on the bus (with me)
is as stark as the lines separating
        the property that
                          has been
                          using fertilizer
and that which has not.

Feathers
    wisps
             concrete belief
Understanding change
          FRAMES
         use? means
        all of the scenes
                      what of the perspective?

She sees

P - R - Aise!

She told me

From somewhere deep inside

let

lessening

hearts reside

as they are

Be free

of exposition

the need to retrace

Start at the centre

forgive but not erase

I love the you inside me

outside words

or need to be

I am trying to help

I am trying to free

I am learning to help

I am learning to free

I am learning how it is

how to be more of me

without
rejecting
you

How can I accept you?

With all your indignity

Your clashes

contradictions

& user fees.

How I accept you:

An ode to freedom

I want not restrictions

to bide my choice

retain my barrier

and build up walls

I want not to be told

that what I believe

holds no weight

no reason

b/c there's no price, no freight

I ask to be accepted

allowed

trusted

to form myself in relation

to what is

& what may be.

This I shall then offer to you.

Ears for hearing.

eyes to see

words spoken in sincerity.

I wanted to write you a song

But I can only do poems

Really

So far

I wanted to tell you I love you

But i forgot what I wanted to tell you for

I forgot all the reasons that i wrote in my book

Of truths and self-righteous reasonings

Could it be

That even if i don't make time to see

Make time to put together all these pieces

That we already will be.

Or won't .

I do brace

I do prepare

Mentally make it so i could be fine if you weren't the blood, the wine of life that we shall live.

If we make it

Make what?

Babies and a good life.

I want babies, a good life

Solid strong sturdy and hard-working for others, the heart and a growing spirit. I see that in you too.

Do you believe in the good life?

In a revolution? Are we to be working for a new way, new understanding...

I can only imagine that it could be right based in God.

I can only pray that God will lead us on the way.

What an individual wants. Believing it to be consecrated in the wants of God.

Hmmm. Or there's more.

The waking see only one world.

That there indeed is a truth and a way. That life, like the fish in the river we can follow the flow towards.

Tim-e

What living have we found amongst the trees torn down

and if we could would we replant or just find a new way to accomodate our urges to construct from the ground up

shall we yet again tear down and once more find ourselves surrounded by the structures that mirror our minds and urges

or shall we

do we

were we shaped by environment as we found it.

if we were would that make our tendency okay?

that we mimic nature in our need to generate order and destroy

see the passing of time bring the passing of stability and built circumstances that equalled a certain existence

but then sees it replaced with something new? better adapted to the context and space rearranged by time

i found you

when i wandered and wondered through the lines of obliterated thoughts and wants

of mixed desires for unperscribed oughts and offered pieces of a great big board

are you filled with magic?

with love?

do you yield a sword and cover the hatches in a rainstorm

i dreamt of owning - of petting a horse today

of walking in fields and building a school - or working

being happy daily, content satisfied. gifted with joy and gratitude-filled grace.

i miss you

can sometimes envision you.

near me - your hands rough, your presence affirming, assuring

faithful

i wished over magic wands

that peace could be a good friend

that my nighmares would stop fooling with me

that my dreams could be

closer to me

the things wanted less unsure - the world not so obscure

in toronto there's living

lots of it

lives and thoughts and projects and people

everywhere.

and i sought - i seek

i am seeking some sort of organizing

for community engagement

to rally people around the thought that we can do this together.

that there may be better ways

some practices that could better serve this large community.

that there may be everyday answers to the questions we've found floating around. in the ether of these rules we've been wrapping around. though some freedom has been bought for many to find their way in this anarchy of daily monotony broken by deciding how to pass. do we stop for coffee, do we become sad? are we bad, are we trying to improve, is everything okay? is it fair. do they care - who are we outside the expectations of those who know us best? are we social being created by the self-affirmation we receive in those who love us and see us daily? how much holds us a mirage of daily existing and . I . see . eyes . opening - at least one, somewhere above my own body.

Spoken

A song or a heart

just the feeling of a start.

A start - to what? and how

the world BIG great\complex spinning round

Leaving town.

for the big city and the meaning

is shrilling in the many resounding possibilities.

of living and what is seems to be.

Goals - action items

agendas

minutes

God Damn it - take the minutes precisely please.





Indicators don't forget the indicators.

Organizing Up

from within

the system

Systematizing you?

-Me.

I don't belong in this monarchy

The remnants of an evolved meritocracy.

-Queen

Once upon a time.

sheen

My laundry's on the line

Your clothes are killing us.

Point to an evil & it's someone's pleasure

it's not so simple

as villainizing a pedicure. is it?

What is it?

The point

the Reminder.

The thing to be saying we ought to be doing...

Knowing in the details that it's okay to be living this way.

Looking from afar - colliding courses - collassols theories

of a crash test in ecology

astronomy climatology

: beauty

Poetry

Chaos theory

God

believe.

Succeed

through peace

loving open heart

to start.

Called

Jesus calls from over the border

He’s seen you walking paces|over my grave

He asks you how long you’ve been paying time

Paying no mind to your heart’s calm

Did you know that it’s alright? That everythings fine. That you’re on time and there’s no where to go?

Did you know that i observe you and i feel no need to rush in and urge you to action or a direction or adjust your speed?

Did you know that the drama isn’t the only action. That there’s a stable quiet calm in the middle side bottom and top of everything?

Would you like to walk in calm even steps with me? Would you like to move in the direction we’re headed, by taking calm even steps with me?

Would you allow for your heart to rise and if perchance a song, a mournful cry or a lullaby, perhaps an aimless hum should rise to your lips in accompaniment, would you allow yourself to sing along?

Dear Lord we are waiting- in our hearts and in our souls. Dear lord we’re not craving but watching the discomforts and the joys. Dear lord we are saving the graces that you gave us. Dear Lord we see and we believe

It’s all a manner of seeing. It’s all a manner of being. It’s all here, and all there somewhere in the meaning, of the still heart – the calm soul and the beating of the drums of our lives of the rumbles of our minds – let us bring, let us bring the heart’s direction. Let us bring, let us bring the peace inside.